…and still I love you

I don’t have everything
as a matter of fact I don’t have anything
except a dream of a better day
and you to help me find my way
Being a man I am sure to make mistakes
but to keep you I would do all it takes
and if it meant my love was really true
I’d gladly die and watch over you
I wish you knew how much I cared
You’d see my love is true by the life we’d share
Even if you changed your mind and said our love was through
I’d want to die continuously cry and still I’d love you.

A Tribute to the Emo Scum

You know what pisses me off?  Jonathan says I ruined his weekend by talking to him, that selfish bastard.  YES, by talking to him.  Fuck that!  My weekend has BEEN ruined.  I can’t go out of my damn yard, let alone see my friends, or even have my Mom take me to get a haircut.  Everyone goes through this depression shit, even me, and thing I hate about people going through it is that they whine about their otherwise wonderful lives to everyone else about how they hate their life, and continue to bring others down by saying “I don’t need this right now because I just got happy and if I get sad I’ll probably cut myself AGAIN to ease the pain.” and then continue to slap themselves and write a song about it with lines similar to: “I have a cut on my wrist for every day of my life” and “My girlfriend left me, I’m drowning in my bathtub.”.  Absolute nonsense actually.  You little emo bastards, get over yourselves, watch some Sesame Street, and enjoy life.  It’s the only one you have.

One Of My Sketches
(that lack color, sadly)

Blah!  I’m somewhat sick today.  I didn’t sleep but 45 minutes last nigh….er…this morning, 5:15 to 6am.  Stumbling all over the place, in the midst of my sleep-deprived stupor, I gathered the conciousness to walk to the office and call my grandmother to pick me up, only to pass out in the lobby.  I was awoken by her, we drove home, rather, she drove me home, again, passed out in the frontseat, and I managed to recognize the key to my house and crash on the floor. 

…10 minutes later

Writing a Xanga post.  Damn you Xanga!  You’re bad for my health, I swear!

---

“Under the Skies Above”
(After the Miscarriage)

My child is out there somewhere
under the skies above
waiting anxiously 4 u and me
2 bless it with our love
A part of me a part of u
and a part of this love we share
will protect my unborn child
who lives dormant out there somewhere
Sometimes in my dreams
I imagine what it would be like
How could I properly guide him
when even I don’t know what’s right
Whether he is born in wealth or poverty
there will be no deficiency in love
I welcome this gift of life
given from GOD under the skies above
-Tupac Shakur-

---

“Life Through My Eyes”

Life through my bloodshot eyes
would scare a square 2 death
poverty, murder, violence
and never a moment 2 rest
Fun and games R few
but treasure like gold 2 me
cuz I realize that I must return
2 my spot in poverty
But mock* my words when I say
my heart will not exist
unless my destiny comes through
and puts an end 2 all of this
-Tupac Shakur-

* I think he meant “mark”

---

“When Ure Heart Turns Cold”
(2 Kristen & My Other Friends Who Wonder)

When ure heart turns cold
it cause your soul 2 freeze
It spreads throughout ure spirit
like a ruthless feeling disease
The walls that once were down
now stand firm and tall
Safe from hate/love, pain/joy
until u feel nothing at all
When ure heart turns cold
a baby’s cry means nothing
A dead corpse is trivial
Mothers neglecting children is dail
Loneliness becomes ure routine friend
Death seems like tranquility
Sleeping is never pleasant
if u even sleep at all
u forget ideals and turn off the reason
2 make sure the product gets sold
u don’t understand how I behave
Just wait ’til ure heart turns cold!
-Tupac Shakur-

---

Buff Muff

P.S. 
This Saturday
Will be my 60th day
Sober

My
Reasoning for Believing


Agnosticism is not too far a cry from Atheism, and Atheism is redundant to more than one way:

1.  The whole idea of Atheism is not believing in anything, yet the -ism at the end implies a belief.  Therefore, their belief is not to believe in a belief.  Paradox?

2.  To be Atheist, you must for accept that there IS a god NOT TO BELIEVE IN.  It just kind of becomes pointless after a while.

Agnosticism implies indecisiveness in the matter of beliefs.  Therefore, Agnosticism also implies the semi-ignorance of a god.  Well, let me rephrase that, because technically that isn’t correct.  It implies a complete ignorance of a god, according to most religions, because if you don’t believe entirely, that’s like entering the Olympic Skiing Competition and not having legs.  It takes all of you to make it work. 

And so…
           I can only classify Agnostics into one other catagory:

People Who Just Can’t Make Up Their Minds

---

Now perhaps some are wondering how I can be so sure of things with my faith in Christ.  Maybe it’s just that I like the story, so I thought I’d buy into it, but sometimes you can’t explain things in life.  I had a certain event in my life that changed my outlook on faith.  I was driving down the bypass one night to drop some friends off from a party.  They had been drinking (I hadn’t though), and we were all high still (Yes, this was back in November, when I still smoked marijuana).  We were coming back in town from Mountain Pine and happened to be listening to KLOVE (a Christian radio talkshow).  I was distracted by my friend talking and turned around to see what he was doing, and a message came on the radio saying “Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop and look at the road in front of you.”.  Now grant you I was going well over the speed limit at the time, I would say about 85 miles per hour, because I was in a hurry to get back to the party.  As soon as I heard that message, I stopped what I was doing, and looked forward, only to see an 18-wheeler barrelling down the bypass in my lane going the wrong way.  I hit the brake and switched into the other lane just in time to miss the semi by a foot or less.  Everyone in the car was silent until we got home. 

“We could have died just then!”
“That’s so crazy!”

All I could say was “Thank God!”.  There are somethings in this universe that cannot be explained.  I can honestly and confidently say that if anything that night were the least be different (the radio off, windows down, car in the other lane, car problem, etc.), you name it, I would not be here today.  I would be lying six feet underground with a marble slab saying 1989-2005. 

No.  Somethings in life cannot be explained.  Some people may ask themselves “Why am I here?”, but I constantly ask myself “Why am I still here?”.  I do accept that fact that everyone alive has a purpose, and once that purpose is fulfilled, there is not point in your life, it becomes a waste of cosmic energy, and so you die.  That is how I know that I must still have a purpose in life. 

I don’t know alot of things.  I may not know how the stars stay in place, or how the sun shines, or how flowers know when to bloom, or how much my parents love me, or how amazing it is to find your true love, or how to do my Chemistry homework, or how the planets keep themselves from colliding.  No, I may not know alot of things…

…but I know why!

Did u hear about the rose that grew from a crack
in the concrete
Proving nature’s laws wrong it learned 2 walk
without having feet
Funny it seems but by keeping its dreams
it learned 2 breathe fresh air
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else even cared!
-Tupac Shakur-

---

“In the Depths of Solitude”
(Dedicated 2 Me)

I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
Trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
Never compromising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
A young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
How can I be in the depths of solitude
when there R 2 inside of me
This Duo within me causes
the perfect opportunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity
-Tupac Shakur-

---

“Sometimes I Cry”

Sometimes when I’m alone
I cry because I’m on my own
The tears I cry R bitter and warm
The flow with life but take no form
Ti cry because my heart is torn
and I find it difficult 2 carry on
If I had an ear 2 confide in
I would cry among my treasured friends
But who do u know that stops that long
to help another carry on
The world moves fast and it would rather pass u by
that 2 stop and c what makes u cry
It’s painful and sad and sometimes I cry
and no one cares about why
-Tupac Shakur-

---

Remember to Keep Faith
Stand for something,
or you’ll fall for anything!

Divine Wisdom
All I can ask you to do is read it.  Please!

I have received a vision.  I cannot lie about this.  I cannot tell of what it was about, because doing so would be controversal to history as we know it.  All I can say is that it revealed a great deception and that I cannot speak of this deception in detail, because doing so would either would turn people away from the truth.  Doing so would be the last words I would say. 

All I can do is hope that people open their eyes to the truth.  There are some people very dear to me that refuse to accept this truth, because proving it would be impossible until the revelation of time.  However, truth cannot always be scientifically analyzed and proven.  They do not accept what they do not see, but I have to ask them:  You accept the fact that you breathe air, yet you do not see it–so how can you not accept the One that made it? 

I pray that these people realize.  Remember that:  Curiosity did not kill the cat, but ignorance did. 

I have been speaking with my Father about this.  He has told me that my job is to only plant the seed.  However, planting seeds in barren soil yields no harvest. 

My Father told me this parable once:

“A farmer went out to sow his seed.  As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.  Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil.  It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.  But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.  Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.  Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop–a hundred, sixty or thiery times what was sown.  He who has ears, let him hear.”

My Father spoke to me once more:

“Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving;
For this people’s heart has becomed calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.’

I am not trying to change anyone’s mind about things.  That isn’t my place.  I know where I stand though, and I want people to stand with me.  I am brave, I have to be, because after reading this chapter in the bible (Matthew 24), some things have come across to me.

…”Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me.  At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will apear and deceive many people.  Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.  And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.”

…”At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or, ‘There he is!’, do not believe it.  For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perfomr great signs and miracles to deceive even the elected–if that were possible.  See, I have told you this ahead of time.”

“So if anyone tells you, ‘There he is, out in the desert,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here he is, in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it.  For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.  Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.”

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”

Amen.

---

---

Well kiddos,

     Today I got my class schedule.  It goes like this:

U.S. History
Algebra II
English (11)
Chemistry
***B Lunch***
Literacy Remediation
English (10)
Band

---

I Smell Communism, but Not in China

The “Literacy Remediation” class is a schedule mistake.  They have me in a damned RESOURCE CLASS!  The school system is just itching to eff me up the a** this semester too, more specifically, my counselor is doing the whole “‘F’-Caleb-Up-The-’A'” master-plan.  It just shows that Hot Springs High School DOESN’T care about their students.  I can’t even exercise my state-endowed right that is included in the “Arkansas’ Freedom of Education Bill”, simply because I am a white American, and being caucasian, I am the minority group in the Hot Springs School District.  For simply being born white, I am not entitled to exercise my rights to the choice in my own education.  In a nutshell, Hot Springs School District won’t release me to attend another school, because they are getting government money for every individual in a minority group, government money being your taxes, your seven cents to a dollar in every little purchase you make.  Essentially your hard-earned money is being used to support educational discrimination and racism. 

What do you think about your government now?

---

~Buff Muff~

“Changes” by Tupac Amaru Shakur R.I.P. ’75 to ’96

Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
“Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?”
I’m tired of bein’ poor and even worse I’m black.
My stomach hurts, so I’m lookin’ for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he’s a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship ‘em dope & let ‘em deal the brothers.
Give ‘em guns, step back, and watch ‘em kill each other.
“It’s time to fight back”, that’s what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey’s dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin’ changes.
Learn to see me as a brother ‘stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he’s close to me?
I’d love to go back to when we played as kids,
but things change, and that’s the way it is.

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace for races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place…
let’s erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they’ll be acting right.
‘Cause both black and white is smokin’ crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain’t ready to see a black President,
It ain’t a secret don’t conceal the fact…
the penitentiary’s packed, and it’s filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin’ in the dope game.
Now tell me what’s a mother to do?
Bein’ real don’t appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
“I made a G today” But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin’ crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”
Well hey, well that’s the way it is.

[Talking:]

We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can’t a brother get a little peace?
There’s war on the streets & the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain’t never did a crime I ain’t have to do.
But now I’m back with the facts givin’ ‘em back to you.
Don’t let ‘em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That’s the sound of my tune. You say it ain’t cool, but mama didn’t raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back.
‘Cause I always got to worry ’bout the pay backs.
Some buck that I roughed up way back… comin’ back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That’s the way it is.

Some things never change.

---

God I love that song.  The thing that sets Tupac Shakur apart from all the other rappers is that he writes from the heart, not from corrupted desires.  Every word that he writes is true to him, as well as many others.  Poetry in its entirity.  Read the last post if you haven’t already.  He is truly an artistic genius. 

Note to all:  Writing about problems within the culture we live in, and ways to overcome, is far more effective than writing about material desires such as bling, rims, and Escalades.

The Simple Facts

After leaving the Tyson fight on Saturday September 7, 1996 Tupac was alledgedly shot 5 times. He lived through the shooting and was taken to a nearby hospital. He was pronounced dead on Friday September 13, 1996.

---

The Suspicious Facts

Friday the 13th is a very suspicious day.

There were never any pictures released of Tupac in the hospital.

In the song “Life Goes On”, Tupac raps about his own funeral.

The driver of the car in which Tupac was riding, Suge Knight (the exectutive producer of Death Row Records), didn’t show up for questioning about the shooting.

The video “I ain’t Mad at Cha” was released only a few days after his death. The video shows Tupac as an angel in heaven. In the video, Tupac was shot after leaving a theater with Suge Knight.

Interestingly, Tupac dies in his last video released under the name “Tupac”. His new video “Toss It Up” from the new album was released under the name “Makaveli”.

A shooting involving Snoop Doggy Dogg occured close to the release of his album Doggystyle. The shooting made Snoop appear more “real” and showed his fans that he really was a gangsta.

The shooting gave him respect because everyone bought his album believed what he was talking about. Within one week of its release, Doggystyle went platnium. Snoop is signed to the same label as Tupac which is Death Row Records.

In interviews prior to the shooting, Tupac talked about how he wanted to stop rapping and being a gangsta and get out of the limelight. What is the only way Tupac could completly escape the media spotlight ??? (Answer: if the public thought he was dead.)

There are no suspects for the shooting.

Press wasn’t going to be allowed at the funeral, but then the funeral was cancelled for unknown reasons.

Tupac always wore a bulletproof vest, no matter where he went. Why didn’t he wear it to a very public event like a Tyson fight?

In most of his songs he talks about being buried, so why was he allegedly creamated the day after he “died”? And since when do they creamate someone the day after death without an autopsy? Furthermore, it is illegal to bury someone who has been murdered without an autospy.

The new Tupac album released on Nov. 5, and was originally supposed to be an EP of 6 songs, but was then extended to a full length album of 12 songs.

The title of the new album by Makaveli (Tupac) is The 7 Day Theory. He was shot on September 7th; and survived on the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, and”died” the 13th. Hence the title The 7 Day Theory.

Tupac’s album All Eyes on Me was released on Feb.13, 1996. Tupac “died” on Sept.13, 1996. It is quite a coinsidence that the two dates are exactly 7 months apart.

There is nothing in the new album that says TUPAC RIP 1971-1996. Wouldn’t it make sense to include something like that in the first album after his “death”?

The executive producer of The 7 Day Theory , as listed in the CD booklet of the album, is Simon (who is a previously unknown producer in the rap music industry), . In the bible, Simon was an apostle of Jesus. Simon was one of the first witnesses of the Resurrection listed by Saint Paul (I Cor. 15: 5). Could Simon be a reference to Suge Knight(the executive producer of Death Row records)?

In Richie Rich’s album Seasoned Veteran, which was released on the same day as The 7 Day Theory, on the song “ni**as Done Changed” which is a duet with Tupac, Tupac says the following lyrics: “I’ve been shot and murdered, can’t tell you how it happened word for word / but best believe that ni**a’s gonna get what they deserve.” This phrase implies that Tupac knows he will be dead when Richie Rich’s album is released.

In Makaveli’s (Tupac’s) song “White Man’s World” on album The 7 Day Theory, he says “We ain’t never gonna walk off this planet unless ya’ll choose to.” Did he choose to walk off the planet by faking his death?

In Tupac’s song “Ambitionz az a Ridah” on the album All Eyes On Me, he says “Blast me but they didn’t finish, didn’t diminish my powers so now I’m back to be a muthaf**kin menace, they cowards thats why they tried to set me up, had bi**h a*s ni**as on my team so indeed they wet me up, BUT I’M BACK REINCARNATED.” This implies that Tupac is reincarnated as Makaveli.

In Tupac’s song “Life of an Outlaw” on the album The 7 Day Theory, he says “All for the street fame on how to be managed, to plan s**t, 6 months in advance to what we plotted, approved to go on swole and now I got it”-Life Of An Outlaw. This implies that Tupac planned his “death” in advance and now he is enjoying the success of his plan.

On the cover of The 7 Day Theory, there is a picture of Tupac being crucified. This fits with the idea that Tupac “died” so he could be reincarnated as Makaveli.

The only witness to the shooting was found shot to death in a hallway of an apartment building in East Orange, NJ. Hmm…now no one will get any info out of him.

Doesn’t all this sound a bit to ridiculous, although there is no specific fact that makes my theory valid, there is nothing the obviously disproves it, but it all adds up to something, there must be something funny going on. Don’t you think?

Although this doesn’t provide any evidence about Tupac’s death, it is interesting. If you rearrange the letters of “makaveli”, you get “mak alive”, or make alive. Remember how Tupac spelled Machiavelli as Makaveli? Well, he is probably spelling Calumnate as Killuminati. Calumnate means to make false or slanderous statements.

In his recent new album titled “2pac Greatest Hits” on one of the tracks he said “Rest in peace Biggie Smalls”, wasn’t these tracks recorded before the death of the Notorious B.I.G?

---

Origin Of the Name “Makaveli”

Tupac’s alias is Makaveli. Though the spelling is different, Nicollos Machiavelli was a 16th century Italian philosopher who wrote on how to gain and maniupulate power and advocated the staging of one’s death in order to evade one’s enemies and gain power. A person who is said to be hign in Machiavellianism may undertake practices that are conflicting with eithical standards in order to gain the result desired.

In Machiavelli’s book Discourses Upon the First Ten Books of Titus Livy, in Book 2 Chapter XIII he says “a prince who wishes to achieve great things must learn to deceive”. This is Machiavelli’s main idea and is the connection between Tupac and the writings of Machiavelli.

---

I don’t think he’s quite dead yet.

---

Buff Muff

“Changes” by Tupac Amaru Shakur R.I.P. ’75 to ’96

Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
“Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?”
I’m tired of bein’ poor and even worse I’m black.
My stomach hurts, so I’m lookin’ for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he’s a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship ‘em dope & let ‘em deal the brothers.
Give ‘em guns, step back, and watch ‘em kill each other.
“It’s time to fight back”, that’s what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey’s dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin’ changes.
Learn to see me as a brother ‘stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he’s close to me?
I’d love to go back to when we played as kids,
but things change, and that’s the way it is.

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace for races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place…
let’s erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they’ll be acting right.
‘Cause both black and white is smokin’ crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain’t ready to see a black President,
It ain’t a secret don’t conceal the fact…
the penitentiary’s packed, and it’s filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin’ in the dope game.
Now tell me what’s a mother to do?
Bein’ real don’t appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
“I made a G today” But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin’ crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”
Well hey, well that’s the way it is.

[Talking:]

We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can’t a brother get a little peace?
There’s war on the streets & the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain’t never did a crime I ain’t have to do.
But now I’m back with the facts givin’ ‘em back to you.
Don’t let ‘em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That’s the sound of my tune. You say it ain’t cool, but mama didn’t raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back.
‘Cause I always got to worry ’bout the pay backs.
Some buck that I roughed up way back… comin’ back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That’s the way it is. uhh

Some things never change.

---

Tupac Amaru Shakur

Tupac grew up around nothing but self-delusion. His mother, Alice Faye Williams, thought she was a “revolutionary.” She called herself “Afeni Shakur” and associated with members of the ill-fated Black Panther Party, a movement that wanted to feed school kids breakfast and earn civil rights for African Americans. During her youth she dropped out of high school, partied with North Carolina gang members, then moved to Brooklyn: After an affair with one of Malcolm X’s bodyguards, she became political. When the mostly white United Federation of Teachers went on strike in 1968, she crossed the picket line and taught the children herself. After this she joined a New York chapter of the Black Panther Party and fell in with an organizer named Lumumba. She took to ranting about killing “the pigs” and overthrowing the government, which eventually led to her arrest and that of twenty comrades for conspiring to set off a race war. Pregnant, she made bail and told her husband, Lummuba, it wasn’t his child. Behind his back she had been carrying on with Legs (a small-time associate of Harlem drug baron Nicky Barnes) and Billy Garland (a member of the Party). Lumumba immediately divorced her.

Things went downhill for Afeni: Bail revoked, she was imprisoned in the Women’s House of Detention in Greenwich Village. In her cell she patted her belly and said, “This is my prince. He is going to save the black nation.”

By the time Tupac Amaru Shakur was born on June 16, 1971, Afeni had already defended herself in court and been acquitted on 156 counts. Living in the Bronx, she found steady work as a paralegal and tried to raise her son to respect the value of an education.

From childhood, everyone called him the “Black Prince.” For misbehaving, he had to read an entire edition of The New York Times. But she had no answer when he asked about his daddy. “She just told me, ‘I don’t know who your daddy is.’ It wasn’t like she was a slut or nothing’. It was just some rough times. “When he was two, his sister, Sekyiwa, was born. This child’s father, Mutulu, was a Black Panther who, a few months before her birth, had been sentenced to sixty years for a fatal armoured car robbery.

With Mutulu away, the family experienced hard times. No matter where they moved-the Bronx, Harlem, homeless shelters Tupac was distressed. “I remember crying all the time. My major thing growing up was I couldn’t fit in. Because I was from everywhere. I didn’t have no buddies that I grew up with.”

As time passed, the issue of his father tormented him. He felt “unmanly,” he said. Then his cousins started saying he had an effeminate face. “I don’t know. I just didn’t feel hard. I could do all the things my mother could give me, but she couldn’t give me nothing else.”

The loneliness began to wear on him. He retreated into writing love songs and poetry. “I remember I had a book like a diary. And in that book I said I was going to be famous.” He wanted to be an actor. Acting was an escape from his dismal life. He was good at it, eager to leave his crummy family behind. “The reason why I could get into acting was because it takes nothing’ to get out of who I am and go into somebody else.”

His mother enrolled him in the 127th Street Ensemble, a theatre group in the impoverished Harlem section of Manhattan, where he landed his first role at age twelve, that of Travis in A Raisin in the Sun. “I lay on a couch and played sleep for the first scene. Then I woke up and I was the only person onstage. I can remember thinking, “This is the best shit in the world!” That got me real high. I was getting’ a secret: This is what my cousins can’t do.”

In Baltimore, at age fifteen, he fell into rap; he started writing lyrics, walking with a swagger, and milking his background in New York for all it was worth. People in small towns feared the Big Apple’s reputation; he called himself MC New York and made people think he was a tough guy.

He enrolled in the illustrious Baltimore School for the Arts, where he studied acting and ballet with white kids and finally felt “in touch” with himself. “Them white kids had things we never seen,” he said. “That was the first time I saw there was white people who you could get along with. Before that, I just believed what everyone else said: They was devils. But I loved it. I loved going to school. It taught me a lot. I was starting to feel like I really wanted to be an artist.

By the time he was twenty, Tupac Amaru Shakur had been arrested eight times, even serving eight months in prison after being convicted of sexual abuse. In addition, he was the subject of two wrongful-death lawsuits, one involving a six-year-old boy who was killed after getting caught in gang-war crossfire between Shakur’s gang and a rival group.

In the late eighties, Shakur teamed up with Humpty-Hump (a.k.a. Eddie Humphrey, a.k.a. Gregory “Shock-G” Jacobs) and other Oakland-based rappers to create Digital Underground, a band intent on massive bass beats and frenetic, Parliament-Funkadelic-style rhythms. In 1990, the group released its debut and best album, Sex Packets, a pulsating testament to the boogie power of hip-hop, featuring two classic tracks, “Humpty Dance” and “Doowutchyalike.” After an EP of re-mixes in 1991, D.U. released Sons of the P and, the following year, The Body-Hat Syndrome, all on Tommy Boy Records.

In 1992, Shakur entered a most fruitful five-year period. He broke free of D.U. and made his solo debut, 2Pacalypse Now, a gangsta rap document that put him in the notorious, high-speed lane to stardom. That same year he starred in Juice, an acclaimed low-budget film about gangs which saw some Hollywood success. In 1993, he recorded and released Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z., an album that found Shakur crossing over to the pop charts. Unfortunately, he also found himself on police blotters, when allegations of a violent attack on an off-duty police officer and sexual misconduct arose. The same year, Shakur played a single father and Janet Jackson’s love interest in the John Singleton film Poetic Justice.

In November of 1994, he was shot five times during a robbery in which thieves made off with $40,000 worth of his jewellery. Shakur miraculously recovered from his injuries to produce his most impressive artistic accomplishments, including 1995′s Me Against the World, which sold two million copies, and the double-CD All Eyez on Me, which sold nearly three million & was released during 1996. As his career arc began a steep rise toward fame and fortune, Shakur was shot (most say suspiciously) and killed after watching a Mike Tyson fight with Death Row Records president Marion “Suge” Knight. Though his death was a jolt to his fans and the music community, Shakur himself often said that he expected he’d die by the sword before he reached thirty.

Following his passing, Shakur’s label released an album, The Don Killuminati, under the pseudonym “Makaveli.” The cover depicted Shakur nailed to a cross under a crown of thorns, with a map of the country’s major gang areas superimposed on it. In January of 1997, Gramercy pictures released Gridlock’d, a film in which Shakur played the role of a drug addict to mostly good reviews. His final film, Gang Related, was released in 1997, and Death Row is said to have several unreleased recordings in the vaults for potential future release.

Coke:

1.) An addictive soda
2.) An addictive drug

Example:

Young boy:  I’m addicted to coke
Bum: Me too!

Gimme My MuthaF***ing Change!
Forehead Shave Cut

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For my birfday I got 3 pairs of jeans, 75 dollars, a sweater, an iPod Nano, and a broken Playstation 2.

I went back to school today, only to find myself in In-House.  Now before you go jumping to conclusions, I did nothing wrong this time.  The computer at Summit that had all the information about who dropped this semester crashed, so the people at HSHS couldn’t properly register anyone coming to HSHS from Summit, I being included in this technical mishap.  Therefore, I had no schedule, and so I was forced to stay in a room slightly larger than my cell at Juvenile Detention, with 7 other girls and a guy.  Needless to say, I found people all over school talking to me and glad that I was back.  It was a nice return, however boring it was in the ISS Resource Room with a semi-good looking broad as a teacher.  I say teacher, yet she teaches nothing.  Oh well.  I got to go home early because I, nor my Mom, nor my “teacher”, had no attention of wasting our time. 

(Note:  I need to correct that last sentence:  My Mom really just didn’t want ME to waste my time, and the “teacher” probably wanted to go party and get drunk, that worthless dodd.)

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I love this song.  It speaks truth.

“Changes” by Tupac Amaru Shakur R.I.P. ’75 to ’96

Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
“Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?”
I’m tired of bein’ poor and even worse I’m black.
My stomach hurts, so I’m lookin’ for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he’s a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship ‘em dope & let ‘em deal the brothers.
Give ‘em guns, step back, and watch ‘em kill each other.
“It’s time to fight back”, that’s what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey’s dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin’ changes.
Learn to see me as a brother ‘stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he’s close to me?
I’d love to go back to when we played as kids,
but things change, and that’s the way it is.

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]

(Come on, come on) That’s just the way it is. Things’ll never be the same.
That’s just the way it is. aww yeah…
[Repeat]

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace for races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place…
let’s erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they’ll be acting right.
‘Cause both black and white is smokin’ crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain’t ready to see a black President,
It ain’t a secret don’t conceal the fact…
the penitentiary’s packed, and it’s filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin’ in the dope game.
Now tell me what’s a mother to do?
Bein’ real don’t appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
“I made a G today” But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin’ crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”
Well hey, well that’s the way it is.

[Bridge]
[Talking:]

We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can’t a brother get a little peace?
There’s war on the streets & the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain’t never did a crime I ain’t have to do.
But now I’m back with the facts givin’ ‘em back to you.
Don’t let ‘em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That’s the sound of my tune. You say it ain’t cool, but mama didn’t raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back.
‘Cause I always got to worry ’bout the pay backs.
Some buck that I roughed up way back… comin’ back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That’s the way it is. uhh

[Bridge 'til fade]
Some things never change.

Today is my 6irthday!

Seventeen Cuhz!

Everyone, if you really love me, call me and wish me a happy birthday.  My cell is
(501) 520-7979.  Hit me up!

I’ll tell you what I got later.  Everyone is invited to come over to my house @ 7.  Well, not everyone.  Just call me first.  I need the company, seeing that I can’t go see you and all (invisible fences are a bitch). 

Buff Muff
Birthday Boy