Okay so clarification is needed on a few things going on in my life, so for the questions, just help me out with answers, and for the statements, well fuck, I don't care.

Questions

• Why can't a guy just hang out with a girl and NOT have to be fucking her, or messing around, or dating?


• Why do ex's always find a way to make you jealous of stupid shit that shouldn't be about?


• Why is it that every girl you like, you never get, and every girl you never think about, you always end up with?


• Why is the fucking sky blue anyways?

Statements

• Yes, I'm single and looking.


• I'm pretty much fucking pissed at my ex and her boy toy for acting like punk bitches around me tonight.  It's like, as soon as I pick up another girl, my ex gets jealous, and that's some bullshit attitude.


• I don't give two flying fucks about sex right now, because it pretty much fucks up everything I've touched as far as relationships go, and flings are for the birds.


• I hate Xanga, but I STILL hate MySpace more.


• All of you people that call me for rides and don't give me fucking gas money if I need it can pretty much go to hell riding on a nuclear missle.  I don't give two flying fucks about you either.


• No, I'm not going to get you connects for drugs.  Yes I know people, but I'm not in the game anymore, so no I can't get you a deal, and no I won't support your damn habit anymore either, unless you give me double the gas money.  This is a fucking business.


• One last thing, pretty much everyone that hates me can go to fucking hell too.  You're bastards.  Yes you heard right, now suck a nut.

-Cable

Okay so I think I've discovered the reason for my absence from Xanga.  The reason is that I haven't been able to log onto it.  That is because the music player that I had all of a sudden decided to become a realplayer instead of what the code insisted for, a wmp interface.  Blah blah technical mumbo-jumbo here.  I don't have realplayer on my computer, because I think that it is most definitely Nazi.  In fact, if I saw a personification of the realplayer program walking around in real life, I'd pull out a tec-9 and cap it, just because.

Now I'm not saying I actually have a tec-9, but hey, if a computer program can up and materialize, then I can up and materialize a damn tec-9 right?  My imagination, my rules.

So thus far, I don't even remember what has happened since last log in.  Something about me being jaded and so forth, back when I just broke up with that one girl Dani and blah blah you know how relationships go.  Sex is great, it tricks people into thinking love is there too.  How convenient is the fall out of a relationship.

So this is what has happened since then.

• Moping


• Getting over the girl


• Getting back in the singles game


• Eyeing possible plausible suspects


• Hanging out with people


• Playing shows


• Going to shows


• Getting accused of being a NARC.


• Bought a gun


• Got caught with liquor


• Made up part about buying a gun.

Pretty boring really.  I need a girlfriend.  I've just now realized how much my life is dependent on the companionship of a woman, which is probably what they want in the long run, those sadistic creatures, but I don't care.  Women are to the Man's mind as LSD is to...........well, Man's mind. 

Addictive.

Okay that made no sense to me at all, and at the same time it did.  I hate that.  Onward, I feel compelled to say that I'm not sure if I need a relationship or just a special friend.  I know it sounds horrible, but I'm not looking for commitment right now, because everytime I commit to something, it always screws me over, whether it be girls, liquor, friends, music, the government, my car, or any number of other assorted fruit flavored items found in gas station bathrooms.

So in conclusion, I've ended this post knowing even less about what I want than when I started.  My reasoning screws me over too apparently. 

Dammit.

-Caleb 

Sometimes, I wish I never met that thing they call love.

Love is a cruel creature.

I'm so goddamn jaded, my life should be a Sitcom.

Actually, my computer (or Xanga...one or the other) has been quite out of the closet lately, and so I've been trying to actually log on for about 3 weeks now.

Alot of things have happened since then.

• I have broken up with Shelby.


• I have started going out with someone else.


• The band still has yet to practice.


• I have written new poetry.


• My car broke.


• My car got fixed.


• I have shaved.

Yeah, lots of stuff.  Just odds and ends.  Probably the biggest was the relationship change.  If I can find it, I'll post some poetry....

...well it's sorta poetry.

---

I've figured that if I don't die from this cigarette...

..I'm going to die in a freak train wreck, upon which I'm in a donut shop getting a tasty jelly donut, and the train derails and smashes the entire block into oblivion because of some fuckface watching a football game through a 6 inch TV screen in some shack somewhere instead of changing the tracks...

OR

...I'm going to die in a plane accident, upon which a crack in the window leads to the whole side of the plane breaking off and me being sucked into a jet engine, only to later be classified as air pollution...

OR

...I'm going to die in a Hollywood-Style snow board accident, in which everthing becomes a scene from the James Bond movie "From Russia With Love", in which sub-machine gun weilding terrorists in ski masks are skiing down a hill chasing after a man in a suit and tie, and in my attempts to avoid the gunfire I run myself off a cliff....

....but more than likely, I'll just get hit by a car.

...and like every good story, people will forget the name of the main character or the plot.

We only remember the endings.

That's why I live for them.

 

So....

There's not alot to say, and the only REAL reason I'm updating is because of one thing.

My best friend's mom passed away this morning. 

I've always considered Ryan to be the closest thing to a brother that I've ever really had, and his mom, Ann, now that I think of it, has always been like a second mother to me.  I grew up with the Jolly family practically in some way or another.

I guess life isn't going to be the same anymore without her.  She's missed, and Ryan, if you read this, I really do mean that about your mom and you.

You guys are family to me.

You always have been.

You always will be.

-Caleb

Well fuck...

There really isn't much going on in my life at this point.
The band is getting better than ever.
New songs, new stage setup, new light show.
Hopefully we'll have our debut album out by December or January.

I haven't talked to Shelby in a while.
I miss her a hell of a lot.
I don't care what other people say about her,
I love her, and that's final.

I'm going through some things right now
that I really need to get over.
It's gonna take a while though.

I'm thinking about just deleting my xanga
Deleting my MySpace.
Just getting of the internet period.
It might all be over soon.

X     cable      X

---

EDIT AND ALL THAT JAZZ

---

So I revamped my site in preparation
for the predictable annual migration
from MySpace back to Xanga
following the ending of summer break
for those school dwellers.

Yes I made the background.
Yes the words are from some of my writings.
Yes I did all the coding.
No I didn't draw the hand and marionette.
No I will not help you make your site.

I finally found a legitimate web-hosting service.
The site is www.yourfreewebspace.com.
I uploaded alot of MY music
that you can't seem to find anywhere else onto the site.
This band you hear is Christian.
Shocking?  Amazing?  No...
You just have a narrow mind
to the reality that there IS Christian music
that isn't just total shit.

Duh!

X       cable       X

So...

...new poetry. Blah-de-Blah-de-fucking Blah.

---

This is not multiple choice!

As far as life is concerned,
There are no answers.

Everything is hypothetical at this point.
Rules and regulations,
A man cannot create
a single veracity in this game.

You are no God.
We are but men.

        ...and these are no attempt
                    to explain anything.

Who are you to say
that life is this
or life is that?
You are no one,
and I am nothing.

       ...the man who works puppets
                              behind curtains.

Watch us dance.
Dancing to the beat of drums....

                       ....heartbeat.

Thump...Thump...

© Caleb Cooley 2006

---

On to something else, and this is merely a footnote.

The entire Xanga Rating System is total bullshit as far as I'm concerned.  Pretty much ALL of the "Drakonskyr Files" have been rated "D", or whatever the fuck that means, so now I have to be 18 years old to read his random fuckery....as well as I have to be 18 to kill myself with tobacco (legally).

I just don't believe in censors. 

Parents, if you don't want your children to read bad things off the internet, turn off the HBO late night television, and lock them in the attic where there is no internet connection.

Don't censor it from them with random bleeps and shit, just don't let them look at it if you think it's inappropriate.

Fuck, my parents don't care about that shit.

They let me watch CNN, and that's scary as fuck!

~Caleb

..:edit:..

Notice I said "legally" in the above statement.  Fuck, I got smart and just changed my age, so now I'm 26 as far as those fuckers in New York know.  No more censors.  I recommend you do it too.

You would think those fuckers would have thought about this and made some sort of counter HTML bullshit, but no, there's always a loophole.

Shit nothing to say except.....

 

Damn
it all
to hell.

...Oh and fuck you too

 

 

 

Yes, your boy in a tux.  This is for Shelby.

I love you.

---

Also, side note, new writings, possibly new lyrics.  Check it out.

I killed it
The day I walked in
The day I met her
Fluttered kisses in elevators
Not...sure....if we'd make it to the bedroom.
But we did --

-- and I killed it.

6 days later, I'm a father.
6 weeks later, and I'm not.
6 months later, I'm alone again.

All because I killed it.

Living a life full of regret
The regret in a life never met.

3 years later, she's dead.
The only thing the note read was --

-- I killed it.

Even though I'm not a perfect person
(and by far I'm not), and I've lost interest
in so many things that were once important
to not only me, but to my family and friends as well;
Even though I've been through the bad times
the darkest hours in my life
the times where nobody but myself
could pull me out of
Even though I've walked through the fires
of Hell and back just to prove that
I'm not another statistic that in my opinion
can be cast into the fires
Even though I've been arrested twice
done drugs, burnt down a house,
broken hearts, destroyed friendships,
dissappointed my parents, dropped out of highschool,
quit boy scouts, stopped playing my french horn,
wrecked a car, broke another one, fought my best friend
only to make up with him two periods later...

...let myself down so many times that I'm so humble
to the ground that ants look down on me...

I still believe that I'm somebody worth somebody's time.
I still believe that I'm nothing without God on my side.
I still believe that beauty is not just the rose, but the thorns.
I still believe that you don't learn from shame until it's been worn.
I still believe that true friends forgive and forget.
I still believe that success comes hand in hand with regret.
I still believe that hearts no nothing of love until they tear
I still believe that she is out there somewhere.
Do you believe you still know who you are?